Half year birthday...

Alexandra is six months old today!!!

We didn't make too big a deal of this quasi-milestone... just went out to breakfast with the grandparents, hung around the house, and went to Bob's house for dinner. Alex slept, ate and played so of course she was a happy camper. She is getting pretty good at sitting up and can sit unassisted for 10 minutes if she doesn't get distracted.

I have included a couple of pictures, the first being the first ever picture on this blog, as an attempt at size comparison. She has grown a lot in the last six months. We go to her doctor tomorrow, so we'll give a more in depth tale of the tape then.

All in all it is hard to believe that she was born six whole months ago, and yet impossible to fathom that she hasn't been with us always. If it wasn't for Michele I would say she was my favorite... but I guess I'll call it a tie.

Oh yeah... and, she just fell asleep on Michele's shoulder on the way to bed which is a first. How friggin' cute is she?

A touch of normal

Going to work was a bit like going back to school after having the summer off- you can't wait to see all your friends but you don't miss the work. I loved seeing everyone and they gave me such a warm welcome. It doesn't feel as though I have been gone for 6 months- maybe that is my own denial that I just went through some major life changing events. I am eager to figure out how I am going to handle work, motherhood, and life appreciation going forward. That is going to be my struggle. My surgeon called yesterday and said that the lymph nodes that they took out were benign and that there is no invasive cancer in the tissue. She did mention that they saw some abnormal cells in the duct- not sure what that means but will meet with her next week. She was really happy with the results and confirmed that there would be no more surgery.
Hopefully, Wes and Alexandra have a good day together. Both are sick again....I am not sure what is going on there. Alex slept poorly last night and so Wes totally stepped up to take care of her even though he had gone to bed with a fever. Something has to be causing his illness....

Daddy Haiku...

The First Day of the Rest of My Week

constant distraction
afternoon nap like a dream
waiting for mommy

My new assistant...

So, today is Michele's first day back at work, which means my first day of trying to work from home and wrangle Alex at the same time, and alone. No problem.

Problem.

We got Michele fed and out the door on time and the shoveled multiple mushy mushes into Alex's mouth. Easy peasy. Then Alex set off to happily play alone and I got down to work. Hmm, I can't seem to log on. Huh, my laptop isn't recognizing the network. Okay, I'll just blindly tear everything apart... After an hour of cursing and doing everything I could think of (this isn't saying much as I am a technological idiot) I surmised that I would have to go to work to have the Nerd Herd tell me how stupid I am and what an easy fix it was.

No choice but to take Alexandra. Luckily while I spent an hour plus on the phone she quietly slept in her car seat on the chair normally reserved for people to rest in while I yell at them. She slept the whole time. I love her.

Problem solved, though I don't understand how or how to prevent it in the future, we headed home. Other than when she was inhaling 9oz of formula for lunch she has been sitting behind me in her highchair chewing on the strap. She loves straps. So far she hasn't contributed much more than cooing, but I expect my productivity to go up any time now.

Hopefully Michele's day has been easier and hopefully my tomorrow will be simpler.

Feeling good

I am feeling good a day after surgery. Throughout the day the ache associated with the incisions has improved. The incision underneath my arm where the lymph node was removed is the most uncomfortable. But I am able to move my arm a lot more than I was earlier in the day. It really feels good to be cancer free- at least that is what I think I am...the lab results from the tissue samples will confirm. This whole process seems to be never ending but this surgery was a big hurdle to overcome. The surgery itself was the easy part because I was knocked out for that. The more difficult part was when they put a wire into the breast to locate the clip. This locater would be used in surgery to minimize the invasiveness but it was the most uncomfortable part of the day. After I had the wire inserted (I had to walk around with it sticking out of my hospital gown for two hours), I had the radiative material injected into my breast that would eventually identify the sentinel node. That wasn't too bad. So after my breast had been poked, smashed, and threaded with a wire, I was ready to be knocked out for surgery. I am just happy it turned out the best we could expect on surgery day.

Tomorrow marks another big day in my recovery. I am heading to work. I am going to leave my two favorite people at home. : ( I am pretty sure I will call multiple times a day- Wes offered to post every hour but I thought that would be excessive!! I am sure Wes and Alexandra will have a great day. I just hope she has a good nap day so Wes can get the work done that he needs to . I love them a lot and hope that they have fun together. I will definitely be thinking of them while I am at work.

That was fast...

The doctor just came out to let us know that the prcedure was done and give us the scoop. Michele is doing great! The lump was healthy and fatty (that's a good thing!), and they took out one node that looked totally normal and raised zero red flags.

Basically best case scenario. All good news. She is still sleeping and will be out of it for another hour or so before we can see her.

Also, the doctor confirmed that the radioactivity will not keep her from touching, holding, kissing Alex as we feared. Yeah!

More later... Rock 'n roll!

Sleepy time...

Michele just got rolled back for surgery. We got here about 8am. She had a guidewire put in to show the surgeon where to go and then headed off to have radioactive tracer injected to highlight the sentinel node. After some waiting around for it to take effect, she headed back to go sleepy time and get all the business taken care of. She'll have a small lump of breast removed and at least one node.

So far she is doing great, a little nervous but in good spirits. She was joking around with Carmen and I as they wheeled her away. Now we are waiting around for a couple hours... I'll update when I know more.

A day in the life

Everyone in the household is recovering from the day care cold. Alexandra is sleeping better (only awake for two hours last night) and Wes is trying to take it easy. This taking it easy was helped by a severe allergic reaction yesterday to who knows what. He became red, had trouble breathing, then became super pale, then was sick, and finally had severe chills. The worst part was we were at a birthday party for Riley. Not good. So Wes is heading to the doctor tomorrow to try and figure this thing out.

So I continue to be the healthiest one in the house- seriously who would have thought. Hopefully this strong body carries me through surgery on Tuesday. I wanted to share some of the little things you might like to know about chemo:
There are some obviously bad things- Nausea and Hair loss- but there are also really annoying things. One of those is felt during chemo- the hair loss includes the hair in your nose. Now it took me a while to realize that my runny nose was not due to allergies but to the chemo. When I say runny, I mean runny. Like I would stand up and need a tissue stat! So it has been really annoying. But that seems to have gotten better, what is not getting better is my achy bones. The chemo weakens your bones and women are more susceptible to osteoporosis after chemo but man, when I stand up I really ache. So I am feeling a bit old in that regard. One of the little known benefits of chemo however, make me feel like a teenager. During chemo, the skin really dries out and you really have low hormones. This leads to chemo complexion. No zits or blemishes!! Since I have stopped the chemo, I have more zits than I can remember having since my teenage years. They are deep, painful, and all over my face. Oh joy. At the end of the day, I am hoping that Tuesday's surgery will show this has all been worth it to confirm I am cancer free.

The Road to Predictable...

Many seasoned parents will tell you that day care is a cesspool of unavoidable germs and illness that will have your child sick within a matter of days. These people are worry-warts, negative Nancys, and hypochondriacs. Unfortunately... they are also right!

Alex started day care Monday. She went for three days. The past two nights she has had a cough, a runny nose, a slight fever, and trouble sleeping. Last night, the poor thing, woke up every twenty minutes until I finally broke down at 3:30 and held her for the rest of the night. What did I get as a reward for my gallantry? Well, apparently, working out for three straight days (when I am woefully out of shape), sleeping three hours tops, and being around a sick baby has put me down for the count with a not-so-slight fever.

Alex at least is in a good mood... I'm not sure I can say the same for myself. Who would have guessed that Michele would be the well one? Luckily we both have her here to take care of us.

Thanks Tutor Time! Step one on the road to a virus fighting super baby is underway!

Crazy good

That sums up how I am feeling these days...Crazy good. I know it seems like I, more than anyone would know how bad chemo makes you feel but it is only now that I am done with it that I realize how bad I felt. It has been 6 months since I have felt normal...well longer if you take into account the pregnancy. I feel like my old self again, with sass and everything. I really felt like an alien for the year 2008...I say that because I felt very spacey, not at all in control of my body, and just not as light as I used to feel. That alien feeling has gradually gone away over the last 10 days and it is awesome. The best part is that I can sleep!! I realize that I have not really been able to sleep since I got the BC diagnosis on December 26th. Sometime during the last 10 days I started sleeping again...no tossing and turning before bed, no waking up in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep, and no longer hating the nighttime. So yeah, I am feeling crazy good.

On an Alexandra note-
She totally likes Day Care. I had parents comment on how well behaved she was and I figure that is the best testament because the teachers have to say good things about her but the parents of other kids surely don't!! This week has been a good adjustment for Wes and I. Wes is feeling like normalcy is returning to our house because we have started a schedule. I have enjoyed the last couple days because I have started each day with no schedule and ended up pretty much sitting on the couch playing video games. But I have wanted to do that for months and now I have the chance before surgery next week and going back to work. So things are good in the Harrington household...

Oh and an update on the weight loss-
In spite of Wes and I falling off the wagon at the wedding this past weekend, the weight loss continues. The team of Robin, Bob, Wes and I lost another 14 pounds...for those counting that makes 35 total pounds in two weeks. We are all still motivated to keep up the good progress and are ready to mix in some exercise. I think we are all in agreement that this is a life change but we still talk about ice cream an awful lot. I think that if I start on that slippery slope, then it is going to be tough to stop sliding. So I am going to be good for at least the rest of the week- it is Robin's birthday this weekend and no celebration is complete without cake!!!

School daze...

This morning was Alexandra's first drop-off at day care. This. Was. Not. Easy.

The major issue was not that we have never left her (see previous post about partying like rock stars), or that we don't trust Miss Prem and all the folks at Tutor Time. The problem is... she is so damn cute that we just didn't want to leave. We wanted to stay right there and roll around on the floor and play with her all day. But, it turns out, that is frowned upon. So we left her.

Michele hasn't started back to work yet (I had to go in to the office to get my mind off the little cutie) so she was around all day. She had threatened early on to go pick her up after a couple hours and call it a test run. But, after dropping her off this morning she promised to give it at least most of the day. This. Was. Not. Easy.

We arrived around 8:30am and started what will apparently be routine some day. A little paper work. Put her prepared, labeled, dated food in her tray in the fridge. Put her clothes and sheets and what-not in her little dresser drawer. She was a total trooper and was having fun just checking out all the babies and toys. She went to Prem with no problem and no fuss and promptly started to pull her hair. Michele reminded Prem that there isn't a lot of hair to pull at home, so it might take some getting used to. We said our goodbyes and there were no tears (from her or us!) and we left her to make new friends and spit up on brand new people.

We actually made it until almost five o'clock before we picked her up. We wanted her to have her four o'clock feeding there (oatmeal & carrots... yum!) to make sure that she would eat in the ultra-stimuli environment. When we arrived she was on the floor checking herself out in a mirror, clearly in a food coma. I went over to say hi and she squealed with delight and recognition and started to giggle. This may be one of my top five moments of all time... wait, let me double check, in no particular order:

1. Baby comes out safe and sound.
2. The tumor is just plain gone.
3. Marry the coolest chick I know.
4. My parents buy me an Atari.
5. Alex is pleased to see me.

Yep, it's in there.

Every day they will give us an "Infant Gram" when we pick her up. This is right up my alley people. The only thing I would change is to add some charts. Nap times, feeding times and amounts, diaper changes and outcomes... I love it. Plus there are all kinds of notes on how her day went. Apparently and unsurprisingly she was happy, active, fussy only when hungry or tired, and had a blast playing with toys, the mirror, and of course her toes.

Everybody loved her and she seemed super happy... best case scenario. Tomorrow her cousin Maxwell will be there to play with so it should be even more fun!

Great wedding

The wedding of Michelle and Ryan this weekend was beautiful. They got married in a super cute church and had a beautiful reception. It did rain during the day on Saturday but it really was no big deal. The reception was outside and by the time the wedding party was introduced, the rain had stopped. Michelle was perhaps the lowest stress bride I have seen. She had her bridesmaids wear black dresses of their choosing and it really turned out quite nice. I have attached a beautiful picture of the couple.

I felt really good all weekend. It was weird to not have Alexandra with us...we have now transitioned to classifying ourselves as parents and without the baby we were a bit weirded out. Friday night was the reception with great food and drink. Wes and I were both so tired afterwards that we went to bed early. The next day I found out that the bridal party was up until after 1am...and I went to bed at 10. So I felt a bit lame. The day was packed with going to the bridal salon and getting ready. I had an awesome mani/pedi because I have no hair to worry about. The lack of hair did make me a bit sad...I don't think that I look particularly good in my wig (many tell me otherwise) and so I just don't feel I look like myself. This is a picture of Wes and me in the church. I didn't let my appearance mess with our good time though...I danced and had a great time. It was really nice to have fun...I need to do more of that. I can't say enough great things about the couple. They are just the most genuine people- warm, funny, caring and awesome friends. I seem to have a lot of people that fit that description in my life these days- I am truly lucky.

Harder than we thought...

So, I'm not going to say that we thought about her every second of our trip (I'll let Michele tell you about the wedding). And we certainly didn't worry about her. But I was up at 5 o'clock this morning itching to jump in the car and get home to the little cutie. We settled upon the more reasonable departure time of 9am (thanks to me subtly waking Michele) and sped through three states to get to our little princess.

I'm pretty sure that she grew, and grew up, over the last two days while we were away. Tomorrow morning we will be taking her to day care for the first time... we'll see how long we leave her there. I think that if we could both quit our jobs nd just hang out with her all day we would do it in a heartbeat.

Alex is Happy About Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day!
Wes has worked very hard so far to help his family get strong and healthy and stay happy. He certainly is an Awesome Dad! You can see from this picture we took yesterday that Alex is a very happy and healthy little Girl!

Saturday without the 'rents

The morning started early... at about 5:30. We thought she would go back to sleep but it seems we weren't in luck. Alex is aware that we aren't her parents and she got very sad at some points of the day. We are all working through it.
After some breakfast, we all went to the farmer's market. Alex is a regular at the farmer's market with her parents. We picked up Wes' shopping list and this lovely bonnet for Alex.
It is very interesting how when one is carrying a baby, it seems like an invitations for any stranger to stop and have a conversation! Anyway, we had a lovely time.
Later in the day, after a nap, we started playing with Alex's new Balls. She is Amazing with the balls. Considering her age, she is very capable working with her hands and feet with this ball! She was doing this yesterday as well. I had to tape it! She isn't even concentrating on her actions and she has both hands and feet working this ball.
The only trouble of the day was when Alex had some issue with her cereal not agreeing with her. We have decided to change the menu and switch from Multi Grain to Rice to see if things improve. Also, another friend, Melissa, came over to help in the evening. Parents are back in the morning!

Aunt Ro Going Rogue on the Blog

The parents went to take part in Michele's close friends wedding in Pennsylvania this weekend. In an effort to not disturb Alex, the parents left her at Home with family and friends. I have broken into the blog to document our time with Alex. Hopefully, tomorrow I can find a camera for some photos.
Grandma Carmen has been holding down the fort while the Parents prepared for their trip and headed out of Town.
Food was labeled in the fridge and a schedule of feedings was left.
Our friend Amy stopped by to help Carmen in the evening and they gave Alex a bath! Everyone seems to be having a good time. I am here tonight to help with the night shift... although at this point it is mostly for moral support.
Reports are that Alex has been a little princess all day long
Rock 'n Roll!

Life as we know it...

Yesterday we went to check out Tutor Time, the day care at which Alex will be matriculating, three days a week, starting Monday. We have been there a couple times and are quite comfortable with the program... if not the prospect of being without Alex all day. Our friend Prem works in the infant room, and Alex's cousin Max already goes there, so there will be familiar faces and friendly smiles. Also our friend Anna is right down the hall and gives Tutor Time high marks.

The problem (other than the realization that we have to collect, pack, and label; sheets, clothes, food, binkys, blankys, etc.) is having to leave her. We have basically been with her all day every day (save a couple hours here and there) for almost six months. We pride ourselves on not being crazy first time parents who are afraid to leave their kids... but this feels decidedly different. So goes life. Soon she'll start college, and join a punk band called "Roadhouse Kick" (an homage to both Patrick Swayze and Chuck Norris), or become a Republican, and hate us.

All of this is magnified by our leaving her over the weekend, our first night away from her, to go to a wedding in Pennsylvania. Next weekend we will have to hunker down and do nothing but eat sweet potatoes and play sniff the armpits!

Feeling Better...Looking Better

Alexandra is now through peas and oatmeal with no allergic reaction. She has gotten the concept of opening her mouth when presented with the spoon. It is pretty cool. Wes is much better at feeding her than I am. You wouldn't think it is that difficult, but he has a way of getting the food in there quickly and she doesn't seem to spit it back out as much as when I try and feed her.

Speaking of eating, we are on a diet. Specifically, my sister, her boyfriend Bob, Wes and I are trying to eat healthier. Now some might remember that this is pretty much how Wes and I used to eat. Well then I got the whole cancer thing and was pretty annoyed that in spite of eating well, I got cancer anyway. So for a while there it was pretty much eat whatever sounded good. That had an effect on our waistlines. With chemo wrapping up, we figured we could re-focus our diet. I am happy to say that after a week, the four of us have lost a combined 21 pounds. That speaks really highly of how we have dedicated ourselves to eating well and to how out of control our diets were. We have a long way to go but we keep each other motivated to keep going. I am happy to say that I have lost some inches around my stomach and plan to look darn good in my bridesmaid's dress this weekend. We will keep providing updates on how we are doing with the weight loss- it will keep us all motivated!!!

Daddy Haiku...

Laundry Day

Peas, oatmeal, carrots
smeared, schmuched, spattered on the walls
hose down the baby

No Chemo Friday!!!

Today it totally hit me that I do not have to go to chemo. Tomorrow my body is going to be the strongest it has been since December. Awesome. Today I am celebrating by going to the spa. A long awaited pedicure and facial await. I am stupid giddy today. Along with feeling better, I have started to eat better this week...I have been a bit down about my physical appearance and now that I am done with chemo, I am working on it. So this week I was super cranky because of the elimination of sugar- a total drag. I am trying to offset the bad mood by working out...well really by just going for daily walks. Hopefully I will be up for jogging soon.

I have attached a video of Alex. She was playing with Wes and got to the point that she needed to take a nap. Wes recorded it because seriously, she is hilarious. People say she is cute because she smiles and is pretty good natured. Well this is the other side of her- cranky. But I still think she is cute even when cranky. Oh yeah, the file is enormous...

Space to play...

It's official, Alexandra (along with Max, Riley, Megan, Kaden, and whoever else comes around to play) has taken over a good chunk of the basement. Tons of toys, balls, pillows, blankets, and of course a huge ABC-123 mat that has removable letters/numbers. It is a bit overwhelming. I can't imagine what it is going to be like when she can actually move around.

Alex seems to really enjoy playing down there and rolls around with just a little more reckless abandon than usual. She even plays on her belly unattended, which has been a rarity until recently.

Now if I could just get her to clean up her toys when she is done playing...

Carrots are not sweet potatoes...

Alex had her second "food" over the weekend... carrots. Her general attitude upon receiving said culinary delight was, "this is not sweet potatoes!!". She made a bit of a face, but never did refuse the watery orange mess. Today was day three of carrots and she is starting to come around (though today she and Michele were on the move all day today so results may vary). Just wait until we introduce peas on Wednesday!

In general she has been pretty good about the grub even though she has no idea what to do yet. Her tongue is still an impediment and she opens her mouth in a timely fashion only on a lark. That said, I think she is getting it. I have started to play motor boat (brrm, brrm, brrm), but she just looks at me like I'm nuts. I might be nuts.


Oh yeah, new grain coming soon too... oatmeal! Yum!

Last chemo...for a while

Friday was the last full blown chemo. Hard to believe that over the last twenty weeks I have had 16 treatments. I am so happy to be done but to tell you the truth, it doesn't feel any different. My guess is that on Friday when I don't have to go, then it will hit me. I am still feeling the fatigue and soreness that I feel every week after chemo but my spirits are higher because I know it will be the last time.

I had an appointment with the oncologist on Friday prior to my treatment. She is supportive of surgery on June 24th- the concern there was that she may want me to wait longer to increase my blood count. After I start radiation in July (I need to call and set that up tomorrow) then I can go back and start the Herceptin-only chemo. The nurses say that the treatment only lasts about an hour. So it will be a breeze compared to what I have been doing. So now I have 3 weeks prior to surgery to start feeling like myself again. The oncologist said that I should not focus on losing weight until after the surgery...I am not sure if I mentioned that I am in a wedding in two weeks- not going to be the cutest bridesmaid ever...the oncologist also mentioned in about 3 months when my hair is back, I will really start feeling myself. She forecast that by Christmas, I will feel like my old self. So basically between now and then, I will go through times when I am feeling back about myself. During those times, I will complain to my friends and loved ones and they will continue to support me. For that, I am super grateful. But the thing that I will miss the most about chemo being done is the 4 hours that Wes and I got to spend together. Some days we laughed and talked, others we watched patients and were grateful that I was doing as well as I was, and during others I slept and he read. He is the best husband anyone can hope for and I am grateful that he loves me.

Tomorrow, an update on Alexandra and carrots...