Cancer free...and still worried?

Surgery was just about two weeks ago. Since then, I have had my follow up visit with the surgeon and oncologist. The results are excellent-
- the two lymph nodes that were removed are benign
- only scar tissue remains in the area of invasive tumor- the chemo killed the tumor
- the tissue taken had over a cm of clear margin- healthy tissue
- this was the best result the surgeon had seen
- this type of result leads to over 85% cure rate
- I am officially cancer free

All really good things right- Right! And yet I find myself focused on the negative. At first it was the surgeon who said that she found ductal carcinoma in- situ (DCIS) in one of my ducts. It was taken out during surgery but of course I focused on the fact that there was another type of cancer - stage 0- that I hadn't known about. After much discussion with both doctors, I found out that this cancer sometimes leads to invasive cancers. It doesn't respond to chemo because it grows so slowly. It didn't show up in the biopsy because they took the sample from the middle of the tumor and this was to the side. Finally, this cancer is treated with surgery and they took it out - No worries. Only I was worried after the surgeon mentioned the DCIS...I had more cancer than originally thought.

The other thing that made me worry was my discussion with the oncologist. We talked about genetic testing and future children. I started these discussions so I should have beeen prepared but it still was depressing. Basically, my cancer does not display as a typically genetic cancer but since I am under 40 she recommends that I get tested because ovarian cancer (also linked to the gene) is much more difficult to catch early. Meaning that if I came back positive, she would want me to take out my ovaries. OK, while we are on the subject what about more children- Wes doesn't see the point if it is a risk to my health. She confirmed that the pregnancy hormones didn't cause the cancer, they just revealed the cancer. If I were to get pregnant again (she would do all sorts of test prior to us getting the green light to try) and I were to get cancer again then it would mean that all this treatment is just extending my life but not killing the cancer. At that point I would be dealing with an incurable disease.

So all of a sudden, I forget that people with my type of progress have over 85% cure rate and focus on the negative. This cancer thing is a huge emotional roller coaster. Now I am pretty positive and if you ask me if I think I am going to get cancer again, I would say no. So why after this conversation do I automatically think that one of these negative possibilities is going to happen to me? No clue. I think it is easy to believe the negative and try to prepare ourselves in case that happens. Now why I am doing that for something that might happen years from now, I do not know. The good thing is that this discussion happened on Thursday and by Friday I wasn't freaked out about it. But I am a bit disappointed in even going there...I know how important it is to stay positive and have done a pretty good job at that this whole time (minus the very beginning when I couldn't imagine having a child and cancer at the same time). I don't know. Maybe I am hesitant to stop holding my breathe and accept that I am healthy and things are getting back to normal.