Crawling... now with more knees...

Alex has been "crawling" for a while... but now she's crawling!! No quotation marks necessary. This little vid is literally the first time she did it... which explains Michele's amazement...

This is clearly a bad sign for us since we couldn't keep up with her when she was just scooting. She has also made it from her belly to a sitting position on her own a couple times today, but I'm not sure she knows how she did it.

The milestones are coming a bit too quickly for us...

Getting some rays...

Today marks the half way mark in my radiation schedule. So far, things are going according to plan- if I am to believe the doctors. The total schedule for treatment is 35 treatments, 5 days a week. As of today, I have 18 sessions done and 17 to go. This week I started to notice a pink glow on my right breast. Not too painful yet but they tell me it will start to hurt more like a sunburn. When I started this process, the doctors told me not to treat the skin irritation with anything other than what they give me in the office. So I was thinking it was some super special stuff that specifically treats radiation side effects. Nope. What they gave me this week was 100% aloe gel. Just like for a sunburn- nothing special.

I am starting to feel some fatigue issues this week but as my family members have pointed out, it could be more due to Wes's/Alex's sleeping issues. So we will see how the second half of treatment goes. I have alerted work that I may need to work from home some days as this goes on and they are supportive. More nap time for Michele.

Upon further review...

After some sage advice from my mother, who reminded me of my own penchant for getting and trouble kicking ear infections as a wee tot, I took Alex to the doctor today just to be sure she was over it. Both ears look clear are healing very nicely.

The doc did see a little tooth nubbin poking out of the top of her mouth and theorized that was the cause of the hub-bub. That we can deal with... Now I think we'll have a quick bath and another nap... that is she'll have a bath and hopefully we'll have a nap!

A stroll down memory lane...

It has been a while since Alex has had a really bad nights sleep. Even when she was sick, she basically slept through the night but just needed some help dealing with congestion. She has never had a huge problem sleeping in her own bed, but lately it has been like clockwork... in bed at 8ish, up between 5:30 & 7. Last night was a blast from the past...

She started screaming for no good reason for the first time around 11... Michele rocked her for a while and put her back down. No big deal. An hour later, she is screaming bloody murder again. I rocked her for a little while and put her back down. Big deal! Scream... scream... scream. Okay, I says to myself, maybe just a little more rocking. Finally get her to go to sleep, but now I'm wide awake. So I read for a little while and, just as I turn out the light and snuggle in to doze off... scream... scream... scream!

So I did what I haven't had to do for quite a while... I got up and watched TV for a couple hours while I held her. She spent most of this time, half awake, half dreaming, fully slapping me in the face. Smack... smack... smack. Eventually I put her back in bed and she slept until around 4 when she needed a little more comforting from mama... I really hope this isn't the start of a trend.

On top of all this madness... I think I might be dragging Michele grudgingly toward my insanity. More often than I would like to admit, I sleepwalk... that is, half awake and stuck in a dream, I find myself doing the darnedest things. Going through the closet, cleaning dishes, searching for the baby in the sheets... you know, little slices of what the heck am I doing. Last night (I think somewhere between scream sessions one and two) I, half awake mind you, saw our baby slide into our room, wearing a hat, wave at me and crawl back out (kind of a Michigan J Frog deal). I know... I'm nuts. But it was so real to me that I apparently verbalized what I saw and prompted Michele to get out of bed with me and search for our erstwhile, chapeaued offspring. Only after a couple minutes of frantic looking did I wake up enough to peak in her bed and see her sound asleep.

Sorry Michele... I hope my crazy isn't too contagious.

Big movie guy voice...

In a world where parents ruled with an iron fist,

it was only a matter of time before the oppressed found the one who could turn the tide,

by the time mom and dad see it coming... it will be too late...

Baby Monster!!! Terror is on the move!

Normal weekend

This weekend has been quite normal which is a nice change of pace- no allergic reactions, no treatment side effects, no medical issues. We went to Adrian yesterday and had breakfast with Wes's parents- quite nice. We also had ice cream for lunch- what better summertime lunch!!

Alex is totally crawling everywhere these days. It is actually quite funny because she still isn't using her legs to help her too much so she ends up exhausted. Her latest favorite thing to do is to put her lips together and blow out. She must love how it feels when her lips vibrate against each other because she smiles the whole time. We smile at her until some of her spit flies in our face while she is blowing out.

Wes and I are realizing that football starts next weekend!! We are asking ourselves where the summer went. Really where has this year gone? I know that it was spent in the hospital and hoping for time to go faster so that I would be done with cancer....but I have said this before, life is too important not to live in the moment. You loose out on the simple pleasures if you are looking forward to something ahead or wishing you were somewhere in the past. So today is sunny and warm- great day to enjoy outside with the fam.

It's at least medium rare...

Yesterday I went to see the rare/infectious desease doctor in an attempt to break the code on the mystery fevers (they call it "fever of unknown origin", but what is fun about that?). His name is Dr. Otto, and Michele had to talk me out of greeting him with "Domo arigato Dr. Otto"... apparently she thinks it wouldn't set the right tone for the meeting. To each her own.

Unfortunately, more of the same. "Hmm?" "Wierd." Stuff like that. He had some ideas of extremely rare and unlikely and unrelated things that it most likely isn't... but why not test anyway? "Do you have any Mediteranean ancestry... no?... well, we'll do the test anyway."

So, more test, very likely another doctor to see (respiratory specialist), and so the drum beats on. Is anyone interested in illustrating the book I'm writing so that I don't have to explain all of this to more doctors... it should be a page turner!

I am the walrus...

Recently our friend Sarah posted on her blog that all she wanted for her upcoming birthday was pics of her acquaintances with a mustache... far be it from Alex to disappoint...

Those without teeth...

Tonight during dinner, Alexandra kept having this expression on her face. She would suck on her bottom lip, smile, then suck on her lip again. The total crack up is that she loves it, like she is doing it because she knows how funny she looks. I think that Megan Schutte had a similar facial expression so maybe it is just a faze but it is super funny and makes us crack up!!!

Is it possible...

...to stop time? She is getting too big.

I'm still alive...

So on top of the mystery fevers (don't get me started), I have also been having some strange "allergic(?)" reactions over the last few months. Stop me if you've heard this one but... face swells, throat swells, vomiting, shakes, and general malaise that last for the rest of the day or longer... each time triggered by the slightest sip of alcohol. Four times this has happened with increasing intensity, all while my family physician shrugged. The fourth one, not a pretty sight, prompted me to see an allergist and cease and desist the use of alcohol, blood pressure medicine, vitamins, baby aspirin, and anything stronger than weak green tea. That was like eight weeks ago.

In the meantime I have taken just about every test they could think of. I have, pardon my frankness, collected every bodily excretion I produce shy of bottling my tears. Every time the results come back my allergist says "huh" and my family doctor says "(shrug, shrug) the test came back perfectly normal... sorry." Nothing. Bubkes. Nada.

Finally this week, after no reactions since shutting everything down, my allergist prescribed another test... drink a beer. At this point she assumes that it was my blood pressure medicine. "Don't plan anything Saturday afternoon, have your Epi Pen ready, and drink a beer." So this afternoon Michele dialed 9-1 and, her finger expectantly hovering over the other 1, I took my first sweet swallow of Oberon this summer. And I didn't die. Yet.

At some point this year is going to have to start to get easier for us... until then, I'll cautiously enjoying a cocktail... Epinephrine at the ready, hospital on speed dial, anxiously awaiting the next comical shrug from my crack medical staff... where's Dr. House when you need him?

Gravitas...

I know, I know... I'm supposed to be the comic relief here, but bare with me for a quick dip in the serious end of the pool.

I find myself lately feeling at a loss to tell Michele how I feel about her, so let me use this too public venue to try and work it out. 90% of the comments on this blog to date have been of the "you go girl", "you're so strong" variety and I have to agree with every one of them. But, and I'm ashamed to say it, I don't feel like I have let Michele know enough over the past long eight months how amazing I think she is.

While she was the one housing and birthing the baby... she was still the one keeping me sane. When she found out about the cancer, in her body... her first concern was how I would make it. Through chemo, surgery, and sleepless nights... she feels it necessary to hold back her sorrow as not to burden the rest of us. If I could put in to words how strong I know she is, how beautiful she will always be to me, or how much joy she brings to her friends and family I would have written this post five days ago when first I tried.

Michele, don't ever forget that who you were is who you are... and no rogue cells can ever change that. Alex is the luckiest baby on earth to have a Mama and a role model like you.

Usted es la persona más fuerte que sé y te quiero.

Glad the week is over

This past week was a tough one. Alex has never been as sad, sick or uncomfortable in her little life. Her ear infection and the fever just made her miserable. She really didn't know what to do other than cry and cuddle. But she is back to her smiley and inquisitive self so we are relieved. Wes was so miserable with his fever on Thursday that I wasn't sure he was going to make it. It is just too much that one top of everything else, he has this weird illness that no one can figure out...so he goes to the Rare Disease Specialist on the 22nd. Seriously. The cold I had this week was annoying because I really am not a good sick person- I get really impatient with feeling bad and start to get mad. As I write that I instantly have some inside into why I am so sick of cancer.

Speaking of cancer, I went to my oncologist on Friday. Last week I had an echo cardiogram (my third) to check my heart performance and verify that the chemo drugs weren't impacting my ticker. Well, I found out after I called the nurse that the echo showed a deterioration in my heart performance. Specifically, my ejection fraction had deteriorated below normal levels. So my doctor recommended that I not start back on my Herceptin for two months to see if my heart performance improved. Well after the news I was really bummed. I thought to myself, great- beat cancer and am now going to fight heart problems...whoa is me...blah, blah. Anyway, worked through that so by the time my appointment came around I was very logical about the whole thing. Originally my ejection fraction was at like 60%, now it is at 49% and normal is 50-70%. So since it is below the norm, I am to wait on the chemo. Reading my lab, the trouble lies in the left ventricle...it has the lower ejection fraction and is showing abnormal diastolic function. Great. The good news according to the oncologist is that this deterioration presented only after Herceptin, the echo I had in March did not show these results. That is good because in March I had just finished Adriamycin and apparently that drug can permanently effect your heart where as the Herceptin effects can reverse after discontinuing the use. Thus, the wait to start the drug again. Dr. C said that I will have another echo in two months and we will decide what to do based on those results. Only 3 or 4 of her patients have had this occur with Herceptin (I knew it was a possibility but again thought- It won't happen to me...you would think I would learn!) and after a couple months off the drug they recovered completely and started treatment again. All that said and done, Dr. C also said that if I couldn't start Herceptin again (I am supposed to take it for a full year) my cancer treatment had gone really well and so she wasn't extremely concerned. So basically for the next two months I get focus on Radiation and after the 3 sessions I had this week, that just leaves 32 to go. Like I said, I am glad this week is over.

Stick a fork in me...

Michele saw it coming...

mystery fever...

home alone with baby all day...

like wrangling cats with a migraine and no sleep...

slice my tofu tightly...

I think I'm delirious...

or Deloris...

have to go to class...

sleepy now....................

1 down, 34 to go

In spite of my virus, I started radiation today. Technically, I went yesterday but they just took some x-rays and no radiation was involved. Since that didn't count to my 35 session, today was really day 1.

The process goes like this-
I have a business card with a bar code on the back. The first step is to scan it in and then I head straight back to change into a gown. I recognized a guy from yesterday-starting to make friends already in the uni-sex locker room (don't worry, the locker room is separate from the changing rooms). Then I go to the treatment waiting room. From there, they call me back to the radiation room. On the table is my pre-made shell for my head and right arm (which is over my head). They adjust me on the table so my tattoos line up- all while rattling off some numbers like 99.5, 97 and 98....whatever those mean. Then the machine rotates around to one side and the therapist leave the room. The machine makes some noise as it shoots radiation. Then it rotates 180 degrees to shoot me from the other side. The therapist said they shoot from the side to even out the radiation effects on the skin....and so it doesn't shoot through major organs like my lungs. So nice of them to think about that. Then they come in, lower the table and throw (i mean literally here) my shell into a closet for use tomorrow. Easy peasy.

Yesterday and today, I was home sick so timing wasn't an issue. Tomorrow I have a meeting that I am going to be late for due to radiation...but pretty much this is the best thing I can do for myself so there is no decision to make. And some of the meetings are real drags so it is kind of great to have an excuse to be late.

Update on the little one- she woke up with a fever of 103.4 last night. We were worried because she should have been feeling better by now, so I called the doctor's office. She said to give her Tylenol right away and give her fluids. We were in the middle of a Motrin dose so that is part of the reason we freaked because she was medicated. Well the Tylenol seemed to do the trick and her fever broke. She has been more herself today and we have even seen some smiles. Hopefully tonight will go well because Wes didn't sleep at all last night. He is so busy taking care of his girls....hopefully he won't get one of those mystery fevers.

Back to the drawing board...

Our baby is too strong for antiboitics... or at least that is the assumption after she woke up Sunday night with a temperature of 103 and is now on a second course. She is miserable... the ear infections are even worse than they were. She has been home from daycare the last couple days and likely will be for the remainder of the week. Michele too is sick this week on top of starting the radiation grind this morning.

This has been your cheery Harrington update for today... hopefully happier news tomorrow.

Poop flavored farts...

The literature tells us that we should be speaking to/around our baby all the time. The best way for development is for the little ears to hear speech, from a person (Project Runway playing in the background doesn't count), a lot. The goal is 17,000 words per day. 17,000. Every day. So, when I'm with her all day Thursday & Friday, it's me babbling for hours on end.

Today we went grocery shopping. We do this every Friday. And every Friday she grunts out a pea soup nightmare in her diaper on the way there. After changing her and dropping the package in a metal trash can baking in the sun (oof) we head in to the store.

In spite of the parade of old ladies who assume it's okay to talk to me because I have a cute baby I tend to go off into a world inhabited by only Alex and I. I tell her what we're looking for, describe things to her, ask her opinion... "...if you had teeth, what kind of cereal would you want?". If I thought about it I would assume that to the casual Friday afternoon shopper this is adorable if a little weird. Speaking of weird, here is the conversation I found myself having in the middle of Whole Foods today...

"Something stinks... you stink... how could you have dropped another deuce after I just cleaned you up?... are we going to have to abandon our cart and go back to the car? let me check... hey, no surprise... no poop... must have just been a poop flavored fart..."

At which point I realize I'm in a crowded store. This is not a brand of crazy that I could have anticipated. All this talking had better pay off.