Blah, blah, blog...

A little bit of everything as we get ready to head to chemo:

*Today is the last full blown Chemo!! Rock 'n Roll!

*Last night we experienced the first sweet potato poo... not pretty.

*Michele's garden is rocking!

*Alex was officially five months old yesterday. I am increasingly disconcerted by her progression... I need to take more pictures.

*Otto a king of Bavaria, started every morning by shooting a peasant. To oblige him, his subjects would secretly give him a pistol loaded with blanks; a person dressed as a peasant would drop to the ground at the sound of the gun.

*Alex has started to prefer to sleep on her side. It is adorable.

Needing to see the light at the end of the tunnel

This week has been a bit rough mentally for me. I think it is because physically things are going well- just fatigue which I am used to. The mental thing has been getting me down. Specifically, how I do not feel like Michele....I say this because of more than just my hair loss. I don't feel mentally as sharp as I used to- chemo brain. I feel overweight- read that the average weight gain is 13 pounds through chemo. I also feel like I am going through early menopause- chemo pretty much forces that and in 5-15% under the age of 40 actually do go through menopause as a result of chemo. I look in the mirror and it is as if someone else is looking back at me....

I am realistic enough to realize how ridiculous I am being. I mean, my tumor is gone. But maybe because the fear is gone I am able to have my pity party. So I just need to focus on the next step because today is the last chemo!! And I am super excited about that.

We met with the Breast Surgeon yesterday. Dr. Beth Kimball was the doctor that did my biopsy in December and called me with the diagnosis on December 26th. She was pleased that the tumor was gone and explained that I would have a lumpectomy to go in and take out the clip that was inserted in January as a tumor locater. She also recommended a sentinel node biopsy. I have never shown any evidence of having cancer in my lymph nodes but because of the type of cancer- Invasive Ductal, Progesterone positive, HER2 positive, 4 cm Tumor, and high risk grade- they want to rule out that the cancer did not spread. To do this biopsy, they inject radioactive dye at the tumor location and it then gets absorbed into the nearest lymph node. The lymph node that absorbs the dye will be the node that would be the most likely one where the cancer would have spread. They will take this node out and verify that no cancer is present. So in summary, that is the surgery. It is planned for June 24th. Dr. Kimball mentioned how well I took the news about the cancer back in December- it seems like a blur when I think about that time but I told her thanks for the complement and the support she gave at the time. Really I couldn't be here without all the support I have received. Thanks. And onto the next phase....

Rolling right along...

Day two of sweet potatoes went quite well... I think she has become disenchanted with rice cereal now that she has tasted real food. She ate like a champ again and was super happy. She was a little upset because I wasn't getting it in her mouth fast enough... and then laughing, mouth agape, sending the sticky orange mess flying all over. She's a trip.

Today her Aunt Robin will be watching her during the dinner hour while we are meeting with Michele's surgeon... we'll see if she has the courage to tackle the sweet potato feeding.

Sweet... potatoes!!

What's that I taste? Oh yeah, it's something other than formula!

Alex ate solid-ish food for the first time tonight... sweet potatoes. She seemed to dig it right from the beginning, although as always her tongue was a bit of an impediment. She lapped up half a jar and would have likely taken more were we inclined to clean up a bigger mess than we already had.

It will be sweet potatoes for the next few days to ensure there is no allergic reaction and then on to carrots and peas (3-4 days each time) before she dives in to the baby heaven that is fruit.

We'll keep you informed as to the progress... below is a link to a video of the very first bite should you be interested.

Sweet... potatoes!

Too tired

This weekend we had great weather to accomplish some things on our to do list. I planted some perennials, spread some mulch and weeded the garden. Wes and I then tackled trimming the bushes along our driveway- it is pretty much the on-going project of 2008. We also cut down some trees along the garage. It was exhausting and we have the tired muscles and small cuts as evidence.

Yesterday we took a trip to Adrian to visit Pop. He looks great and feels pretty good. We are all super happy- hopefully he continues to take it easy. Alex enjoyed hanging out with the grandparents. Tammi, Scott and Kaden stopped by while we were there so Alex got some loving from her aunt. We thought she would zonk out on the way back to Ann Arbor because she had so much excitement in A-town....boy were we wrong. She slept for 20 minutes and then woke up. She then screamed the evening away - both from sadness and joy. Wes and I were happy to put her to bed last night at 8...she slept until 6am today and then fell back asleep until 8am. So she was tired. Today we are going to try sweet potatoes if her mood permits.

Chemo 2.11

Dichotomy.

The great thing about having gone to chemo so many times at this point is that there are no surprises. We know what to expect and there is very little anxiety or worry involved.

The crappy thing is that it has all become so routine that we sleepwalk through it. Less nervous energy. Less joking around. Yesterday Michele slept through most of her treatment and I read. I guess after everything that has happened over the last year we should be happy for a little bit of boring.

Pretty standard chemo day. Wait, wait, wait. Drugs, lunch, drugs, drugs. The clinic was a little slow, probably due to the holiday coming up, so it was pretty quiet. The only excitement started when someone brought in homemade banana pudding... the place went nuts. Michele had some and enjoyed it

Other than that, same old process. We had a nurse that we haven't had before (I think we might have run through the whole staff at this point) and she was great. We cruised through it pretty quick and headed home to play with Alex.

Next week we meet with the surgeon on Thursday and then have an Oncologist appointment and the last full-blown chemo on Friday. Michele is ready to both figure out the surgery schedule and be done with chemo so it is a big week.

Rock 'n roll!

Back at home...

My dad went home yesterday and is feeling good. I think he's happy to have an excuse to sit around and avoid yard work on this long weekend.

I don't say it nearly enough, so I'll take advantage of the anonymity provided by this blog to say that he is a great guy and I love him. Take it easy Pop.

Memorial Day CHemo Bonanza...

A little bit of everything as we get ready to go to chemo, again...

*My dad had a heart attack yesterday. Everything seems to be going well considering. He was flown via helicopter from Adrian to Toledo and had three stents put in to help clear the blockage and let the blood flow more freely. We hope he will be home today.

*I'm glad that ESPN doesn't have anything better to do than rerun the Pistons game in the middle of the night. I fell asleep in the first half last night, but luckily Alex REALLY wanted me to be up early (I mean early) this morning, so I saw the second half... bonus!

*Michele's hair growth is getting out of control.

*Tenochtitlan is an ancient central American city created by migrating indigenous peoples who believed they were commanded by the God's build in an exact location. When they got there, there was a lake/swamp,to so they built on an island. When they ran out of room they just made the island bigger by weaving organic material, floating it, planting on top of it until it was basically land... how cool is that?

*Alex is officially the cutest... with the possible exception of Michele.

*One more chemo after today... Rock 'n Roll!

Daddy Haiku...

Where's the Bulb Syringe?

ill but still happy,
cough, sneeze, crib on an incline
sleep is for suckers

Sore legs, warm heart

Thank you to all that participated and supported me in the 5k. I felt a bit nervous prior to the race because I didn't want to let anyone down by not finishing. All the support that people gave me really made that fear evaporate prior to the race. There were so many people at the race I didn't even have a chance to talk to everyone personally. I really appreciate everyone who got up early in the cold to come out.

As for the race itself, we started out with a slow jog- partly to warm up and partly to look good at the start. The jogging only lasted about half a mile and then we walked. I walked with friends and it was a great opportunity to catch up. Thank you to Abby and Jana for making the walk go by quickly. There were girls all over the place because they were running for the group Girls on the Run. The group introduces exercise to young girls with female coaches. It was pretty neat to see everyone enjoying themselves. Well except for one lady that was taking the race super seriously. She came up behind us prior to the first mile and said "On your left" and apparently I was not moving fast enough out of her way ( I was walking and she was walking) so she repeated herself. She needed to get in front of us. The weirdest thing was at about the 2.5 mile mark I hear "On your left". That is right, it was this lady again. I don't know when she got behind us again but her urgency to get around us on the sidewalk had not decreased. We then jogged in the final part of the race to finish around 50 minutes. It was really a great race. Next year, we talked about running the whole thing. So ladies, start training!!!!

The race was followed by some food at our house. It was great to have people over and it pretty much was a big play date for the kids. I thought the day would be more stressful than it turned out. I was anxious with all the attention- my face was on people's back! But there was no reason for anxiety. My friends and family made me feel like the race was a great opportunity to get together. There wasn't a focus on whether the chemo girl could finish the race which was nice. And yeah, the chemo girl could and did finish the race and I wasn't even out of breathe...but my legs have sure been sore for the last couple days!

Michele's Melee...

Yesterday was the For Women Only 5K and boy was it warm! Okay, maybe not....

The mania began around 7:30 when people started arriving at St Joe's to prepare for the race. It was chilly. Maybe cold. So we congregated inside the building and hung out waiting for the race to start or the snow.

We managed to find everybody and had a great time hanging out before the festivities got started. Our good friend Marc took some amazing pictures which can be seen here (you rock Marc!). Then it was time to head to the start line.

The women all got in line to start... and they looked so excited! The horn sounded and they were off... none too soon for the men, non-runners, and children who promptly went back inside to warm up.

I'm sure there are tales to tell from the course (I'll leave that for Michele in a later post) but we were warm and content. Though there was an alarming lack of coffee... someone could have made a killing. Daddies talk, babies slept... my perspective of the race may be a bit skewed.

Finally it was time to head to the finish line. There was a trickle of Melee memebers, then a flood (results here if you dare)... including Michele happy, tired, glad to be done. She has run many a 5k(including running a 33:51 when she was four months pregnant!), but this one was the most difficult. She hasn't been able to walk 3 miles much less run for the last six months and she did great. I'm very proud of you Michele. She says she is going to run the whole thing next year, so ladies start training!

After the race a bunch of people came back to our house to hang out and we had a blast. We definitely set a baby/house record and ate and drank and ate. Michele, Alexandra, and I are still trying to recover from the weekend, but it was a more than worth it.

I want to thank everybody who was part of this great weekend, be it in person or in spirit. The love and support that we have been given over the last five months is more than we could have expected and much more than we will ever be able to repay. Thank you, thank you, thank you. We are still collecting the last of the donations to The Wellness Center (details to follow) so please give if you feel you can. T-shirts were a hit (thanks again Cheri & Ian!) and ran short... I'll be making at least two more for Erin and Colleen (you deserve them) so if anyone wants one, or another one, let me know.

You ladies all rock... maybe we can do it again next year!

Chemo 2.10

The home stretch. Just a few more weeks of the current regiment.

Chemo Friday was smooth and almost boring. No doctor's appointment, no running to make it there on time, nothing extraordinary. We had a nurse who we haven't had before but have seen a bunch. She was very nice and very efficient. Michele was pretty tired after two days of fighting a clod and fighting a baby with a cold. She was dozing on and off the whole time.

It wasn't very busy, and everyone seemed like they were ready for the week to end. There was one older lady who arrived after us who caused a bit of a stir. We knew she was coming before she arrived because all the nurses were running around arguing over who would get her, where she would sit ("she likes this chair because she can see the trees!"), etc. I thought the bloody queen of England was rolling in. But, she was just a very nice old lady who had been there for a long time and clearly ingratiated herself to the staff. I hope Michele is never that well known... better to be "remember that beautiful girl who used to come her..."...

Two more to go... Rock 'n roll!

For Women Only 5K is tomorrow...

Well, the weather may not cooperate, but the show must go on. The race is tomorrow and for all those planning to attend we are going to meet up somewhere near/in front of The Michigan Orthopedic Center. It is right next to the Women's Health Center and should be a little less crazy. Also, there is a big porch overhang in case it is raining. We will probably be there 45min-1hr before the race.

See you tomorrow! Rock 'n roll!

Sleep is for suckers...

A little bit of everything as we get ready to head off to chemo:

• We are all fighting colds.
  
• You would be shocked at the size of boogies that can come out of Alexandra's little nose.
• Hopefully Michele won't have a problem getting treatment today with the cold.
• Alex is just as happy (when awake) with the cold as without. It is remarkable.
• Vikings (Norsemen set out to raid foreign lands) believed that if you died with your sword in your hand you would go to the dining hall at Valhalla and party with your dead friends and enemies. No fear of death when there is a kegger waiting.
• The 5K is Sunday... forcast is for 60's and rain... whoohoo!

Michele's Melee...

Melee shirts are in (as modeled here by miss Alexandra). We will try to get everyone their shirt before Sunday's race, but if not look for them on Sunday.

Also, if anyone that we haven't talk to would like us to pick up your race packet for you, please let us know.

Sunday should be fun rain or shine... rock 'n roll!

The Oncologist called...

with the results of the MRI from Friday. She confirmed the findings from the mammogram- No Tumor remains in the breast. The MRI also showed healthy lymph nodes. She was so excited that she called herself. She said that this was a fantastic result. Yeah it is fantastic!!! Her thought was that this bodes well for a lumpectomy- with no lump basically they go in and take out the clip that they put in and test the cells around to verify no cancer is present. So we are on Cloud Nine. It seems that my body can grow one heck of a tumor - it was 4cm- and it can also kill one heck of a tumor!!! I still have 3 more chemo treatments but at this point I feel it is for good measure. I can't believe there is no trace of the tumor at all! Next step is to hopefully hear back from the surgeon as to a surgery date.

Daddy Haiku

First Mother's Day

even through all this,

the pain, the sorrow, the fight

gorgeous strong mommy

The MRI and Chemo session #13

Yesterday I had the MRI and Chemo. First things first- MRI.
So as Wes mentioned I was a bit nervous because of the claustrophobia fear (and NO Clay Aiken has nothing to do with my happy place- he is so funny). Turns out that I had to lay down on my stomach with each breast in a box and head on a massage table- type rest. I was really pleased about that but let me step you through the process.
First you get changed into scrub pants and a hospital gown. Then you get and IV started for the magnetic fluid. They used the same vein that the blood sample, given to check for creatine, was used so she had no issues with my veins- I think that is a first. Then I was taken into the room. I laid down with my breasts in the boxes, arms above the head and face on the stand. The tech gave me ear plugs because of the noise caused by the machine. Then she said 25 to 30 minutes. No problem.
Test one: 30 seconds
She then came out and had to reposition me because the images weren't clear enough.
Start from the top:
Test one: 30 seconds
Test two: 20 seconds
Test three: 5 minutes
Test four: 2 minutes
Test five: 5 minutes
Test six: 2 minutes
Test seven: 4 minutes
Ok at this point I am thinking that 19 minutes of tests have been completed so this should be wrapping up soon...my arms were starting to ache.
Test eight: 3 minutes
Test nine: 5 minutes and I was to remain really still- Ok at this point I am thinking that this makes it 27 minutes....what is going on?
Test ten: 5 minutes- WHAT?
Test eleven: 2 and a half minutes- last one!!

The 25-30 minute estimate was not at all accurate and it really drove me nuts because I kept adding all the times in my head so I new that by the end I had 35 minutes of tests. But it was done and she said that she needed the extra time because she didn't want the metal clip that they inserted to indicate the location of the tumor to ruin the images so they had to do more to work behind the scenes.

I then changed and headed to the waiting room where I could tell by the look on Wes' face that he was worried. I looked at the clock and I had been back there for almost an hour and a half. We had 3 minutes to make my 1 o'clock chemo appointment.

Chemo wasn't really too exciting. I had the nurse from Scotland- Lynn so that was nice to listen to her accent. I think I was pretty relieved after the MRI that I spent a lot of time fighting sleep. I think I have been going for so long that some of the regulars that used to be there weekly no longer are...but I did see Jabba- she is looking good.

Three more sessions to go. I then have to figure out exactly when I start the additional 9 months of Herceptin. It is amazing what a difference one week will bring to my spirits. The fact that I have only 3 sessions and that the tumor is pretty much gone makes the next steps easier to handle. I am optimistic about the surgery and think that the lump that they are going to remove is really just the indicator clip that was placed in the tumor. I should hear from the surgeon this week to schedule a meeting based on the mammogram and MRI tests.

Yadda, yadda, yadda...

A little bit of everything as we get ready to head off to chemo...

• Michele has to have an MRI this morning before chemo. She is a little nervous that she will be claustrophobic, so she is planning to mentally go to her happy place.
• Alex has been swaddle free for two nights now and is doing great. She slept for ten hours straight last night... no middle of the night feeding (I only checked to make sure she was breathing twice!).
• Michele has a coat of fine little hairs growing all over her head. It's like baby hair.
• Nostradamus died from gout. Weird.
• Alex is officially the happiest baby on the block and has started to laugh, not scream or just smile, but laugh. She seems especially to enjoy when I sniff her underarms in an exaggerated manner. She kills me.

Roller Coaster Ride

I knew this week would be interesting in regards to the cancer because of my tests, but today was more of a roller coaster ride than I expected.



Today was the mammogram. I figured this would be a breeze compared to last time because last time I was 10 days out from having Alexandra. My mom came with me for moral support and it takes a long time to be seen. So I go back and the tech gives me a breast exam. No problem, I have had these on a weekly basis right- WRONG. She thought she felt something on the left breast. Now this is NOT the breast with the tumor. So she has me feel it and I say that I don't remember that being there. OK so I am mildly freaked out at this point and the tech recommends we do a mammogram on the left side in addition to the planned right. So I go through the schmooshing process and go back out to the waiting area with Mom. Of course she asked what took so long and I told her. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her eyes. After some discussion and feeling, Mom said that it might just be fibrous because she has them too. Mom was also upset with the tech because she said anything. I said it is what it is and if it is something, I am already going through chemo so it is not like I need any other treatment. And then I would probably have to have a mastectomy so I could upgrade to "C" breasts. The tech came back and said she wanted to have an ultrasound as well. So the ultrasound tech showed me the area and said that it just looked like glandular tissue. At the end, that is all that it was- Glandular tissue that developed from breastfeeding Alex. So now I know and will be able to say "oh yeah, that is normal".

It was a long morning with this drama...then I get a call this afternoon from the oncologists office. They had a chance to review the mammogram and "there is no tumor left, just the clip". Wow, OK, Hello, can you repeat? That is right, no tumor left. The only thing left is the clip that they put in to locate where the tumor was. Such great news. So we are flying high right now. I have the MRI on Friday and who knows what drama that will bring but today is a good day!!

On that note, I decided to show pictures of Alex in her Jumparoo. Her cousin Max let her use it and she loves it. Some of the pictures are blurred because she was moving around but you can see how much she enjoys it.

Rock 'n ROLL!!

This morning Alex rolled over by herself for the first time! Michele was eating breakfast and saw her do it and yelled for me to come in to the room. I was bummed to miss it. I rolled her back over, and she did it again! Both times, as soon as she rolled over, she looked back at Michele with a big smile to make sure she was watching. She's a rock star.

Chemo update

I had my 12th chemo session on Friday. My mom went with me this time and checked out the process. Once again, the clinic was running behind- nurses had called in sick and all the chairs were full of patients. I had Cynthia as my nurse, whom I haven't had before, she was awesome. Super nice and best of all really efficient. I hope to have her again.

These were the noteworthy events from chemo:

• Dude burned popcorn in the kitchen- not a good smell
• Ran into a patient who I met at Look Good...Feel Better class. She is super excited to be almost done with treatment.
• Jabba was there- I just saw her leaving so that means she is doing better from the whole shortness of breath thing.
• I showed Alexandra to the nurses- she was a total hit!!!

I also met with the oncologist before chemo. We scheduled a mammogram and MRI for this week. That will give us the status on the tumor and then we can proceed with the surgery plans. The doctor also asked if I would be willing to talk to a new patient of hers that was 28 and just got diagnosed. I said yes, it really helped me after I talked to my mom's friend Patty.

Those were the events of Friday...then came an unexpected sadness.
Saturday I started to realize that I still have a month of chemo, weeks before I have surgery, weeks before I start radiation (unless I have a mastectomy which I really am not ready to accept that possibility), weeks of surgery and then I still will be continuing with 9 months of Herceptin chemo that I will start in July. The length of this process is overwhelming. I am feeling like I will never get back to normal. I am not sure what normal is now that we have a daughter but it does not include being in treatment. I verbalized for the first time how unfeminine I feel. I have made comments about how I am sick of being bald or overweight but really it is a combo of everything. The bald head, weight gain, pale face, fatigue and general yuckiness really is making me feel not at all like a woman- I don't even remember my old self. So yeah, pretty heavy feelings of sadness and frustration. I feel bad feeling these things when treatment continues to go well....maybe I am scared about what the tests will find this week....maybe I question if I should be talking to someone who is about to start their own cancer journey. Who knows.

Ladies & Gentlemen... We got 'em...

Toes in mouth for the very first time.

What the radiologist said

We went to the radiologist yesterday and got the lowdown on the radiation treatments. The good news is that if I have a lumpectomy, the radiation really reduces the chance of cancer coming back. It does this by killing any cancer cells in the treated area. The radiation changes the dna of all cells and only the healthy ones will heal themselves. So chemo kills the cells, but radiation prevents any remaining cells from growing. The bad news is that the treatment last 7 weeks, 5 days a week. The side effects include fatigue and skin irritation. 2008 will go down as the year of Fatigue...and not because we have a baby.

The radiologist was super nice and quite good looking- not a bad thing. We need to wait to get everything started until 4 weeks post surgery. The only reason I wouldn't have radiation is if it is determined that I need a mastectomy and there is no cancer in my lymph nodes. Right now, the cancer fight seems to be stretching out far into the future....I need to remind myself to take things one day at a time- maybe I should read my post about enjoying the little things again.

Daddy Haiku

2:30 Feeding

starving in the night,
five ounces then back to sleep
daddy wide awake