Finishing up

Wes was right...I really was not up to writing these past few weeks. The radiation has made me feel quite fatigued. I knew that was going to happen, but it has been challenging juggling treatment, work, motherhood and sanity. I really believe that lack of sleep makes you question everything. Now I can't really say that I have had a lack of sleep- I do about 8 hours a night- but I am clearly not getting enough. I say that because I can just sleep multiple times a day, no problem. This sleep is deep too, like the kind where you dream and wake up not remembering even going to sleep. So I say all this because for the last two weeks I really felt like I would not be able to make it through. I was just annoyed that I had to continue to go to treatment, mad at myself for not eating well, mad at myself for not working out, and pretty much just felt like a failure with no hope. I know...not right. Anyway, that is how I felt. So I talked to the social worker at radiation. She is really pleasant and easy to talk to. So she reminded me that not everyone continues to work during treatment and not everyone has such a positive attitude about the cancer treatment in general. All this was not news to me but it is nice that someone out of my support system tells me that because she doesn't have to. So that discussion made me feel better but not great. Then on Wednesday, I decided I couldn't handle work. I just needed to rest. So I stayed home and took a sick day. During the day I slept, watched a cheesy movie, and picked up the living room. It was the best day ever!!! Alex was at school and Wes was at work, so I didn't worry about anyone but me. It was awesome. I slept an additional 4 hours that day and by the end of the day, I felt like my old self. Like my sanity had returned. Now getting through the last day of treatment- Wednesday is within reach. I know I can make it and get back to a normal routine. I look forward to it!!!